.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
