I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
