ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i wish my penis had a tongue
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
