Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
