omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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