it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
