1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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