Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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