Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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