thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
