Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
