Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
