Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My ass is underappreciated
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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