It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
