yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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