Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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