If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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