I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
