Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I have tasted many bathrooms
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
