i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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