I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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