No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
