Do you still have your period?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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