Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
