i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Michael Bay diarrhea
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
