Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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