Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize
