WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
