Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
