oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
