If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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