There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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