Who wears a wallet chain?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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