wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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