they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
