I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
