I hate your face
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
