youre lurking in front of me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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