I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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