hotel room ftw
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
