I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
