I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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