she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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