She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
