omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
