Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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