don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
