My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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