I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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