lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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