remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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