The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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