I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
