I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
